The European Commission has decided to replace its scrapped Chief Scientific Adviser position with a "more holistic" role "better suited to our post-science era."

According to the notice announcing the change, the successful candidate should be able to "look beyond the bounds of scientific orthodoxy" in order to "add to the EU's regulatory toolkit with a wider array of possible responses."

Where science fails,
resort to bunkum.
The aim is to break the deadlock on political issues that science and facts have been unable to resolve.

The stalemate on GMOs, for example, which 'scientists' say are perfectly safe, could be lifted if there were a way to protect crops by placing crystals in the fields. Or something.

Similarly, objections to acknowledging US food-production standards could be treated by ingesting a water solution containing a sub-molecular amount of chlorine-washed chicken.

The first task of the "Holistic Guidance Maven" will be to establish an advisory panel to recommend options for realigning Europe's chakras, and to draft a strategy for a Positive Energy Union.


Bogeyman in the European Parliament

Wednesday, February 11, 2015 | 2 comments »

Witness as Portuguese MEP Paulo* Rangel has a good ol' nasal rummage live on camera in the European Parliament this week, while his colleague bangs on about blah de blah I dunno Syria or something.

Find anything you like Paolo?


From the pen of cartoonist, Topcrats

Schulz as an Ewok is a little bit priceless...


Mice invade European Parliament

Thursday, December 04, 2014 | 2 comments »

Mice are "small" and mock your cling film, memo reveals.

An internal memo warns of an incoming mouse invasion at the European Parliament's offices on the aptly named "Square de Meeus" (imagine a very, very, very posh person saying "mouse").

"If we do not make it more difficult for them, they will stay - and multiply," says the (frankly a little bit right-wing populist) email warning. The punctuatory pause for emphasis is from the original.

The little critters, we're told, "laugh" at our attempts to cover foodstuffs in paper or plastic film.

"Please report mice to Erik," it continues. He, we're reassured ominously, "will take measures if needed."